Been lost for a while now, as most of us are. The hardest part has been that people have changed along the way.

I have remained the same. I don’t say that in triumph I say that with a little shame. I am still who I was (I mean who would I be if I wasn’t bitter and cynical). They changed for the better, everyone is happy and I am glad for them, I wish them the best but it’s just that it gets lonely being the only one. It used to be that I could call them anytime and they’d be there and you could just talk .Now I feel in the wrong stealing their time away from them and theirs. They have changed without even wanting to. 

I sometimes think that we grew old before our time but the truth is that everyone’s timing is right and yours is still off.

I envy people with faith; it’s a constant in their lives its something, its at least something.

My buddy and me met up this week (oldest friend of mine) and we talked about all the usual stuff work, work, life and the lack of it. Something he said stuck with me,

he was talking about a video he saw, let me cut to the chase

he asked me if there was ever going to be someone to cry for us. I couldn’t say anything to him. See now someone with faith would have told him not to worry about it and probably would have been a big help. All I could do was just agree and have just been thinking over what he said ever since and haven’t been able to come up with an answer of any sort. All that keeps playing in my head it this scene from “As good as it gets”, where Jack Nicholson walks out of the doctor’s office into the waiting area of fellow psychiatric patients, stops and says “what if this is as good as it gets?”