I am cynical…I am very very cynical, about anything and everything

I have spent a lifetime at being me, turns out all I have to show for it is being tired, old, haggard and cynical. I don’t want to sound like I am sorry for myself but bad shit has happened and keeps happening and I can’t take it anymore.

 “Every morning I wake up and worry what’s gonna happen today”-Best of my love by the Eagles

I do wake up and worry about what’s going to happen to me and I deal with it like any other normal person. I write and I drink and I play my walrus, ah walrus …walrus is my 12-string guitar but these days I don’t seem to find the time to play the walrus. There have been days when I come home early from work just to be able to play but now it has been difficult. I usually take the walrus up to the roof of my building and jam there. I live near the airport and you can see the whole runway. It’s an amazing place to jam and clear your head .I has kept me in balance from the madness of being constantly being world-weary.

* In my blog before last, someone left a comment to this effect; why are people obsessed with love, do you think that without the help of someone you cannot find happiness? (And I thought I was cynical, listen people I will lose my place in the universe if you are found to be more cynical than me, so please get with the plan and stick with it)

*To answer that…Sometimes people aren’t obsessed with love, sometimes it’s about not wanting to be alone…its about not spending nights drinking till you can fall asleep because you don’t want to think about things. There is too much to be said about loneliness. I have spent a good part of my life analyzing it with my long time buddy Pierre and 7up. Few nights ago I went to sleep on the couch because the bed felt too wide and empty…do you have any idea how pathetic that thought made me feel when I woke up the next morning and reflected upon it (and how pathetic it makes me sound right now). So don’t be so hard on yourself and us from the lonely hearts club band. Gawd! I am sounding hopeful. Please don’t be so skeptical; it makes me look bad as a cynic.